First Contact – they're not aliens
I think that working
with young people can be a daunting task, especially when you read
all the bad press they get in this country but this should not stop
us reaching out to these people because they form the first
generation in this country who grow up knowing nothing about God –
their parents did not take them along to Sunday school and the church
is silent in the places where they hang out. Sometimes they may hear
something in an RE lesson but little else.
In researching this, I
came across a helpful web site article written by Jonathan McKee on
Doug Fields' web site(#1) Although it is aimed at American culture,
the 5 tips are a useful guideline as to how we can begin to engage
with young people around us, in our towns and villages.
His 5 tips are:
- Become familiar with the culture – This does not mean immerse yourself into it, simply be aware of what young people are into and this could be a good springboard for a conversation. Requires a little research.
- Be yourself – Do not try to be someone you are not as this is easily picked up by youth, simply be real and honest with who you are and this will go a long way in your favour.
- Expect 2 questions - “Who are you?” and “Why are you here?” These should be honestly and simply answered without going into long explanation, unless further enquiry is made.
- Change the subject – This helps to avoid awkward silences as no-one likes them
- Think at least 5 minutes ahead – have some questions 'up your sleeve' be prepared and equipped with these questions to help avoid awkwardness. Maybe your research in Tip 1 will help develop these questions.
As a qualified youth
worker myself I think these are a good starting point but I would
start before step 1 and ask
the question, where are the youth in my town / village? How do they
spend their time – are they at the skate park, in their friends'
houses, at their own home, are they part of an existing youth
club....etc? If the church wants to engage with young people then it
needs to discover where they are before thinking about talking to
them. In my home town (Dereham, Norfolk) I know that in summer, on a
Friday and Saturday evening I can go to the local recreation ground
and find between 50 – 100 young people there, depending on the
weather. But an even earlier question is: Does the church want to do
something with the youth in their area? If not then forget the rest
of this article.
I
think that Jonathan Mckee's first tip is not an absolutely essential
one as when I started to work with young people I knew nothing about
their culture but it did give me opportunities to ask them. For
example: “What's that you're listening to?” In their reply they
may tell you the name of the band to which you can say “I don't
know them....are they any good?” or something similar. Lack of
knowledge often opens up many doors for them to have the opportunity
to share what is meaningful to them in their lives. If you are
prepared to actively listen to the responses then a pretty good
conversation should ensue.
His
second tip, I believe, is the most important one. If you are feeling
like you are too old then I would like to encourage you that one of
the best youth workers I knew was in his 70s. The young people would
really open up to him as they saw him as non-threatening and very
much like a grandfather figure which is what a lot of unstable or
uncertain young people need. He knew absolutely nothing about youth
culture but knew how to listen, respond and love the young people for
who they are and in it all he was only himself, not feeling that he
needed to be “super cool”, young or anything other than who he
is. He started out by helping at the youth club, serving tea and
coffee to the youth and then within a short time they just started to
chat to him. It was not difficult.
As
part of this, not pre-judging is very important. It may be fairly
easy for you to be yourself when spending time with young people but
don't judge them for who they are. This can be one of those huge
barriers that get in the way of them having a positive experience of
a Christian if we start to judge them. They may smoke, may be gay,
may use harsh language, may wear 'inappropriate' clothes, may be
kind, generous and well mannered etc etc etc. We should just accept
them for who they are and where they are in the same way that God
accepted us in the first place as, despite what we are like, he still
loves us. Paul poses this question in 1 Corinthians 5:12 “What
business is it of mine to judge
those
outside
the church?” And in the same way, what business is it for us to
judge them?
One
thing that often prevents us from doing anything with the youth of
our towns or villages is fear. Something useful that can help to
overcome fear is to find out if there is an existing youth club or
something similar in the local area and ask to volunteer for it. You
will see how people work with young people and learn from them as
well as be in a safe environment to get to know the youth. Also there
may be something like Street Pastors (they exist in Dereham) or Town
Pastors (Ipswich) which you can join to see how they make contact
with young people face-to-face on the streets.
Tip
3 is interesting. I was taught in college about the importance of
conversation and how it is a really useful tool for education, to
create learning opportunities. Thinking a little and being loosely
prepared for such questions like “Who are you?” is worthwhile.
Thinking about where you want to go with the conversation can also be
helpful but I suggest only holding onto that lightly and allow the
conversation to flow and naturally develop in its own way. There was
this American educationalist called John Dewey who liked to create
learning opportunities through conversation by using what he called a
“forked-road experience”. He says that, “Thinking begins in
what may fairly enough be called a forked- road situation,
a situation which is ambiguous, which presents a dilemma, which
proposes alternatives.” (#2) By this he means that asking a
question or presenting a situation causes the person to have to
choose to either change their way of thinking or continue as they are
– it creates a potential point of a change of mind. Jesus' example
of dialogue is very interesting, and he used a similar technique as
to what Dewey is getting at - often answering with a question or a
story - even today we are still trying to unpack the wealth of what
he said. So, the kind of questions that arise could be: “Why are
you here?”, “What do you want?”, “Why do you want to talk to
us?” and so on.... Having a good, relevant and honest reason why
you want to be spending time with the youth of your area is worth
thinking about before you start.
Awkward
silence is never a good thing on initial contact and avoiding it by
having a few questions up your sleeve is a good idea. However, I do
think it is also a good idea to be prepared to walk away if it
becomes clear that you are not welcome at that moment. So, instead of
thinking about the tactic of changing the subject I would simply say
“Be aware”. Keep your eyes and ears open to the situation, to how
they are feeling about you being there and listen out for the
prompting of the Holy Spirit too. I think I covered the last point in
other aspects of what I have written but even on initial contact
don't be pushy but be aware that maybe God wants to do something
there and then – are we ready for it? I hope so.
One
way of working that is modelled on Biblical principles is the idea of
working in pairs. Jesus sent out his disciples in pairs so it should
be good enough for us. I have worked in a pair for many years now and
have seen the spiritual and practical advantages of it. For example,
if one of you is having a great conversation with someone and the
other one is not very involved then they could be praying, asking God
to guide the conversation and give wisdom and insight to your team
mate as they talk. One thing that I found in Brazil was that once a
conversation got going, usually an interruption would occur in one
form or another. Because of this we had to develop a way of working
where one of us would talk while the other would 'protect' the
conversation by, for example, distracting the drunk person by talking
with them or becoming a physical barrier. Often, when a good thing is
happening, Satan does what he can to stop it, ruin it or make it
meaningless for the people involved. Working in a pair can help
prevent this from happening. Also, once you get to know one another
by working together you will learn each others strengths and be able
to work towards that, becoming an effective witness for God.
Young
people may be a little intimidating but they are not aliens. They
need to know the love of God as much as anyone else and maybe we can
learn from them too. Don't treat them as a project but as people
dearly loved by God and He wants to use people like you and me,
despite what we are like, to reveal Himself to them. The thought may
be terrifying, the resources seemingly limited but what we can
achieve along with our amazing God is nothing short of incredible –
do we believe it though?
If
you are interested in doing something for or with the young people in
your area and want a hand, some training or further information then
feel free to contact me, David Ward or comment on this post.
Bibliography
#1 McKeen, Jonathan,
http://www.dougfields.com/posts/5-tips-for-a-first-contact-with-a-teenager/
#2 Dewey, J. How
we think. Lexington, Mass: D.C. Heath, (1910)
